I got a phone call from my other wife (Roz) and she broke down on the phone. I was so taken aback because I don't think I've heard her really break down and cry. She was fighting with her boyfriend, who used to be one of her good friends. The only thing I kept thinking when trying to console her was "keep business....business. Keep personal....personal." In many ways, having friends is like a business transaction. There is supposed to be some type of exchange or reprocity that takes place. JT told me that earlier when I got into an slight argument with a friend of mine. I can't expect people to have the same set of values and considerations that I possess. I would go out of my way for many of my friends and I would put 100% effort into any business transaction that I undertake. When these two aspects of life combine....most of the time it's nothing but trouble.
I ended up apologizing to my friend and he didn't respond to me. That sucks. I was thinking about it a lot last night. But I can't feel bad or sad. I did my part. The considerate thing, the responsible and conscious thing. If he never responds, two tears in a bucket......fuck it!
I finally spent time with - - - - - - last night. Truly missed. I'm really trying to make a conscious effort to allow distance to come in between us. I know it sounds shitty, but I believe it's truly for the better. When we move away from each other, I don't want it to be difficult and sappy and heartbreaking and all of that mushiness. I figure if I create space now, the gap will be far away enough so that grief doesn't enter the situation. I love love love love - - - - - -. I truly do. Having someone be IN love with me is ahhh-mazing.
It's just so complicated.
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