Peace is Supreme.
N*
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Enlightenment
I had very insightful talks with my mom and my wife yesterday. Very insightful, to say the least.
They made me realize that it's quite possible that people are being rude and distancing themselves from me to protect their own feelings because I am leaving Alabama.
The relationships that I have established in Montgomery were awesome neverthless, there's no beating around the bush....I'm leaving in a few weeks. I don't expect the people that I have established relationships with to talk to me every single day, but I do believe in loyalty and communication. I really do work hard in making sure my friends are happy and growing and always supported. I know that I might go from zero to sixty sometimes in terms of my temper/attitude but after both parties calm down, we laugh, and we move on.
As of recently, people very close to me have distanced themselves from me and have done some VERY shady things and in the back of my mind, I feel like it's my fault. My mommy and wife reminded me that I can't blame myself for anything because I was not the only person involved in the relationship (I don't mean lovey dovey relationship either. Whenever two people come together and engage in interaction and socialization, a relationship is formed. Please forgive the sociologist in me.).
People are trying to cope with me leaving Alabama just as much as I am trying to cope with leaving them AND Alabama.
Of course my hope was that my friends and I communicate and come to some type of balance and contentment leading up to my departure. This balance would carry on to Chicago and they would come and visit in the summer. Or we could talk on the phone often to make sure our lives are still aligned. Whatever I expected. It's not really happening that way.
I want my friends to know that regardless of what you have done in the past couple of weeks, I AM still your friend and I hold the same values since the beginning of our friendship. I care, I love, I support. From any distance....from any city.
N*
They made me realize that it's quite possible that people are being rude and distancing themselves from me to protect their own feelings because I am leaving Alabama.
The relationships that I have established in Montgomery were awesome neverthless, there's no beating around the bush....I'm leaving in a few weeks. I don't expect the people that I have established relationships with to talk to me every single day, but I do believe in loyalty and communication. I really do work hard in making sure my friends are happy and growing and always supported. I know that I might go from zero to sixty sometimes in terms of my temper/attitude but after both parties calm down, we laugh, and we move on.
As of recently, people very close to me have distanced themselves from me and have done some VERY shady things and in the back of my mind, I feel like it's my fault. My mommy and wife reminded me that I can't blame myself for anything because I was not the only person involved in the relationship (I don't mean lovey dovey relationship either. Whenever two people come together and engage in interaction and socialization, a relationship is formed. Please forgive the sociologist in me.).
People are trying to cope with me leaving Alabama just as much as I am trying to cope with leaving them AND Alabama.
Of course my hope was that my friends and I communicate and come to some type of balance and contentment leading up to my departure. This balance would carry on to Chicago and they would come and visit in the summer. Or we could talk on the phone often to make sure our lives are still aligned. Whatever I expected. It's not really happening that way.
I want my friends to know that regardless of what you have done in the past couple of weeks, I AM still your friend and I hold the same values since the beginning of our friendship. I care, I love, I support. From any distance....from any city.
N*
Truth.
Everybody act according to the season that they born in
Some in the night
Some in the morning
Some at noon
Some in winter some in June
It's all cool, it's natural
-Black Dante-Mos Def-The Boogeyman.
(History)
N*
Some in the night
Some in the morning
Some at noon
Some in winter some in June
It's all cool, it's natural
-Black Dante-Mos Def-The Boogeyman.
(History)
N*
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Victims of Progress
I've been hurt by so many people in the past couple of weeks.
I feel like a victim of emotional assault.
I need to remember to breathe.
Progression should be my only priority.
N*
I feel like a victim of emotional assault.
I need to remember to breathe.
Progression should be my only priority.
N*
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Reminescent......
Of the great J. Dilla.
Enjoy.
His mixtape is available on Bandcamp, it's not super spectacular though.
(geteye.bandcamp.com)
N*
Enjoy.
His mixtape is available on Bandcamp, it's not super spectacular though.
(geteye.bandcamp.com)
N*
Unknown
I wrote this on a sticky note forever ago, I'm assuming.
Found it on an old article from school.
It states:
Would you hate me if I never came back to Chicago?
Why can't we link up @ airports around the world?
Like perfect strangers.
N*
Found it on an old article from school.
It states:
Would you hate me if I never came back to Chicago?
Why can't we link up @ airports around the world?
Like perfect strangers.
N*
Monday, March 21, 2011
I really don't know what to do.....
It's hard to let go,
But I've done it before.
I know parts of the truth.
Discovered through drunken stupors.
But do I depend on that for my heart's insight?
I really don't know what to do.
N*
But I've done it before.
I know parts of the truth.
Discovered through drunken stupors.
But do I depend on that for my heart's insight?
I really don't know what to do.
N*
Serenity
"Right thoughts produce right actions and right actions produce work which will be a material reflection for others to see of the serenity at the center of it all" - Robert Pirsiq
"Serenity is not freedom from the storm, but peace amid the storm" - Unknown
"Bordeom is the feeling that everything is a waster of time; serenity, that nothing is"- Thomas Szasz
"Good humor is a tonic for mind and body. It is the best antidote for anxiety and depression. It is a business asset. It attracts and keeps friends. It lighten human burdens. It is the direct route to serenity and contentment" - Grenville Kleiser
"There was a peace, a serenity, an absence of all sense of responsibility, an absence of worry, an absence of care, grief, perplexity; and the presence of a deep content and unbroken satisfaction in that hundred millions years of holiday which I look back upon with a tender longing and with a grateful desire to resume, when the opportunity comes" - Mark Twain
"The sole art that suits me is that which, rising from unrest, tends toward serenity" - Andre Gide
N*
"Serenity is not freedom from the storm, but peace amid the storm" - Unknown
"Bordeom is the feeling that everything is a waster of time; serenity, that nothing is"- Thomas Szasz
"Good humor is a tonic for mind and body. It is the best antidote for anxiety and depression. It is a business asset. It attracts and keeps friends. It lighten human burdens. It is the direct route to serenity and contentment" - Grenville Kleiser
"There was a peace, a serenity, an absence of all sense of responsibility, an absence of worry, an absence of care, grief, perplexity; and the presence of a deep content and unbroken satisfaction in that hundred millions years of holiday which I look back upon with a tender longing and with a grateful desire to resume, when the opportunity comes" - Mark Twain
"The sole art that suits me is that which, rising from unrest, tends toward serenity" - Andre Gide
N*
This Weekend.....
I did absolutely nothing and it felt stupendious.
Now, back to grindin (and detoxing).
N*
Now, back to grindin (and detoxing).
N*
Friday, March 18, 2011
Finally!!!!
I have finally finished the book!!!!!
Completely finished.
And one quote stood out to me in which I think certainly pertains to the situations that I am experiencing in life at the moment:
"Why should she give important things and receive nothing in return?"
N*
Completely finished.
And one quote stood out to me in which I think certainly pertains to the situations that I am experiencing in life at the moment:
"Why should she give important things and receive nothing in return?"
N*
Thursday, March 17, 2011
The Blacker the Berry
....I've literally been reading this book since forever. I started it...then stopped....started from the beginning...then stopped again.
I would lay on my patio....topless....Pandora playing through my speakers.....reading this book. And I would stop. Too ignorant to make use of the serenity. Not calm enough to just BE. Too anxious to enjoy what was happening around me.
Finally, I'm finishing the book. I've been reading it all day at work. It is surprisingly helpful with getting my mind off another failed relationship. Everyone that breaks up blames the other person....this time I acknowledge it's me. It's always me. Not in a bad, 'I Hate Myself' kind of way. I have recognized more that I need to transition into becoming a better person. I will use my last 2 months in Alabama to initiate that process.
"Haven't you had enough liquor, or are you just trying to settle the ills of the universe?" (The Blacker the Berry, pg. 143)
N*
I would lay on my patio....topless....Pandora playing through my speakers.....reading this book. And I would stop. Too ignorant to make use of the serenity. Not calm enough to just BE. Too anxious to enjoy what was happening around me.
Finally, I'm finishing the book. I've been reading it all day at work. It is surprisingly helpful with getting my mind off another failed relationship. Everyone that breaks up blames the other person....this time I acknowledge it's me. It's always me. Not in a bad, 'I Hate Myself' kind of way. I have recognized more that I need to transition into becoming a better person. I will use my last 2 months in Alabama to initiate that process.
"Haven't you had enough liquor, or are you just trying to settle the ills of the universe?" (The Blacker the Berry, pg. 143)
N*
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Start: 10:28pm (3/16/2011)
Laying in the bed right now.....
Not worried about the world around me.
Candle light slightly glistens in the corner of my left eye.
The computer screen blocks the obstruction of its full flame.
Heart beats fast due to the intake
My mistake
Inhale.
End: 10:30pm (3/16/2011)
N*
Not worried about the world around me.
Candle light slightly glistens in the corner of my left eye.
The computer screen blocks the obstruction of its full flame.
Heart beats fast due to the intake
My mistake
Inhale.
End: 10:30pm (3/16/2011)
N*
#BANG
<iframe title="YouTube video player" width="640" height="510" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/VOLmdlm58Qs" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
N*
N*
Monday, March 14, 2011
Anti-Assisination
Thunder and lightning fill the air
And the sensation of the tingle was your dowry.
It's one thing to hear you breathing loudly
But this time it seemed that your lungs didn't even care.
Rapidly intaking and ingesting that energy
Spewing it back.....
Projectile style.
Not even concerned with the outside,
But the here and now
And somehow
A single shot hits me
POW!
Death is not upon me
It's like reincarnation
Revitalization
This crazy sensation
This inspiration
Begs of me to show you my appreciation
In the back seat of your car.
N*
And the sensation of the tingle was your dowry.
It's one thing to hear you breathing loudly
But this time it seemed that your lungs didn't even care.
Rapidly intaking and ingesting that energy
Spewing it back.....
Projectile style.
Not even concerned with the outside,
But the here and now
And somehow
A single shot hits me
POW!
Death is not upon me
It's like reincarnation
Revitalization
This crazy sensation
This inspiration
Begs of me to show you my appreciation
In the back seat of your car.
N*
Friday, March 11, 2011
Fragility
"Gods are fragile things; they may be killed by a whiff of science or a dose of common sense"
-Chapman Cohen
"Civilization is hideously fragile and there's not much between us and the horrors underneath"
-Carrie P. Snow
"A human life is fragile, but the mind is even more so"
-Unknown
"Freedom is fragile and must be protected. To sacrifice it, even as a temporary measure, is to betray it"
-Germaine Greer
Humanity is fragile.
Praying for tsunami victims.
N*
-Chapman Cohen
"Civilization is hideously fragile and there's not much between us and the horrors underneath"
-Carrie P. Snow
"A human life is fragile, but the mind is even more so"
-Unknown
"Freedom is fragile and must be protected. To sacrifice it, even as a temporary measure, is to betray it"
-Germaine Greer
Humanity is fragile.
Praying for tsunami victims.
N*
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Random things I have thought lately.....
At my darkest moment.....when all is lost, you are at my side.
Bitch...I'm on a budget....QUARTER WATER *in my Nicki M. voice*
I don't care what you do, think, or say....you will never forget me, FRIEND *wink*
I'm camouflaged, my efforts simply vanish.
Salvation depends on the individual.
[I really do think some of the most random things. I know I haven't been writing lately, not because I'm blah or discouraged or unable.....but because I'm focused on school and my future career. A real friend would have investigated my feelings and assisted me in reinforcing positive feeling and poetic thoughts. You failed the test]
N*
Bitch...I'm on a budget....QUARTER WATER *in my Nicki M. voice*
I don't care what you do, think, or say....you will never forget me, FRIEND *wink*
I'm camouflaged, my efforts simply vanish.
Salvation depends on the individual.
[I really do think some of the most random things. I know I haven't been writing lately, not because I'm blah or discouraged or unable.....but because I'm focused on school and my future career. A real friend would have investigated my feelings and assisted me in reinforcing positive feeling and poetic thoughts. You failed the test]
N*
Friday, March 4, 2011
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