Oct. 29th, 2010

Later I will write something about my life....my birthday....all that good stuff. But for now, I just want to leave you with a saying from one of my favorite philosophers, D'Angelo. This statement will give me the motivation for the rest of my days.

FUCK THE SLICE, WE WANT THE PIE!

Happy Birthday to me.

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Oct. 28th 2010

We are a spectacular.....splendid manifestation of life.

Word of the Day

Retrospect

1. contemplation of the past; a survey of past time, events, etc.

–verb (used without object)

2. to look back in thought; refer back (often fol. by to ).

–verb (used with object)

3. to look back upon; contemplate retrospectively.

—Idiom

4. in retrospect, in looking back on past events; upon reflection.

 

In retrospect, I think I have lived an amazing 24 years.

 

in other news, my birthday is tomorrow.

Hells yes!!!

 

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The broken ones

I'm inspired by so many things
Shiny rings
Soulful beings
Entrapped in a land of gray and black
I volunteer myself to be the spark
that makes the people react.
Just my luck this time around
Morale and motivatation are on the decline
Down further than the Earth's mantle
I just don't know how many people can truly handle
Collectivity
Some type of unity
How come we don't already have this,
Are you kidding me?!
So you mean to tell me
Most in the world are care free
Refuse to open their eyes,
afraid of what they might see.
My peeps need to use their peepers
Instead of contemplating on whether it's cheaper
to keep her
Or hoping that this man will help you pay off your Visa
If you just stop and realize
The lessons the elders could teach ya
Raise these babies up so they can be the feature
of the land.
We are the people.
Who's going to save our souls now?
Peace and blessings to Gnarls Barkley
The only art they know are the markings
on the side of buildings
Anyone creative......
They marked me
Hunt us down like a sharp shooter
We must shoot off our knowledge to school her
and him
and them
Even the lost ones
The forgotten ones
The broken ones.

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Reincarnation

I believe she is a reincarnation of Phyllis Hyman. I know she is.

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What's going on with me

Welppp.....I'll be 24 on Friday. What thee fuck!?!?! It seems like only yesterday I was in high school.....cheerleading at a basketball game. Time truly does fly. This journey, nonetheless, is fucking amazing!!!!

I do feel a certain way about turning 24. I feel like I have SOOO much more to accomplish in my life. I have experience in so many areas, from makeup to market research. For that, I am extra grateful. But at the same time, I feel like I need to have a real career by now. I need to be living and breathing Urban Anatomy and Culture Couture. Right now.....they are only getting whifs.

BUT.....the promise land approaches. I'll be back in Chicago in May and I couldn't be happier. I've already started looking at apartments. I feel like if I start early, I can get a feel on what type of apartment I would like to live in. I have to live in a condo in Bronzeville. Sorry, but I won't settle for less than that. After leaving in a 3 bedroom condo in Bronzeville at 21, I WILL never downgrade. After renting a condo....my next stop will be buying a house. I mean that's the natural progression of things, right?

I'm working on a poem called Bungalow Blues. I have such strong feelings about Chicago.....after I talk to my family, after reading the newspapers, after going through old pictures....I always have Chicago on my mind. Even though I have started and stopped and started this poem over and over again, I plan on finishing it this week. I want it to be my first full length poem (by full length, I mean at least 2 minutes long). Is that long?

What else???!! Oh....my hair is growing like crazy. I absolutely love it. I should have gotten it straightened this week for my b-day....BUT....it's hot as blue blazin outside and I really don't want to straighten it until November or December. I'm thinking November so I can be bouncin and behavin for Thanksgiving.

I could write like this forever, but I'm going to stay focused and finish some work that I should have been working on last night.

I bid you adieu.

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Tonight

I'm tired. Very tired.

I have so many things that I need to be working on. But I just can't.

Sitting in the living room.

Head FULL of conditioner.

I'll just put in leave-in conditioner. Clearly I'll be wearing a bun tomorrow.

I feel like dreaming tonight.

That's what I shall do.

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Word of the Day

Cyclical

1. cyclic.

2. of or denoting a business or stock whose income, value, or earnings fluctuate widely according to variations in the economy or the cycle of the seasons.

The business of love and life is so cyclical.  Never ending. Infinite.

Heart of the City

I walk the streets
Yearning for the sense of community
Every neighborhood I go to
The spirit of the block enters me
More prevalent than the epidemics
More benevolent than any minister
Every sinister walks through the streets
Lending their steps together
Creating the city's heartbeat
So much graffiti
It ends up feeding me
Culture
Colorful but choking me
Suffocating me like the smoke and smell that comes from the stinch of the torn down buildings
Cabrini Green
Roshonda is Black
Kelly is White
And the divide between them is fast food sign bright
Only one more killer of my people
Not even the highest church steeple can provide salvation
In this nation
My people are disadvantaged
Treated like were savages
This is my culture
These are my streets
My city is always loud
Can't you hear our heartbeat?

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Guilty as charged

I sometimes start things and never finish them. I get spurts of ideas, envisions, inspiration.....I begin to write it down....then it leaves. I started this poem the other day....clearly I didn't finish it. I probably never will. I can't go back to that place mentally and feel the way I felt then. If I resumed the poem, it would have a totally different meaning, setting, direction. I prefer to leave it the way it is.

Think about the travesty that ensued
Never has my mind and body felt so used
Abused
But never mind all of that.
From now on
I will take my strides in twos.
Metaphysically, I have the ability to transorm my feelings into actions
Last name could have been Jackson.
But through the wire like Kanye,
I recall the games that I used to play
With his and her hearts
The money I spent to excite you
The energy I released to entice you
................

-As you can see.....I have no idea what I was talking about. The words were writing themselves. Trying to view their reflection from the screen on my phone. But now, they stopped. The thoughts are gone-

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.....Biological Anthropology.....

Archaeologists have God's eyes.
We see the beginning.....the inception. We decide who and what they were. Then we see them at the end.....in the dirt.

Our subjects can't speak. They speak through their remains.

Society-People.
Culture-Norms and Values.

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Appreciation

I've known B.C. for several years now.

He just thinks he is the most 'cultured' man in existence because he's played ball all over the world for the past couple of years.

Tonight.....I put him on Foreign Exchange.

Maybe our definitions of 'cultured' are different.

But I've done my part.

He loves their music.

I feel like I just helped humanity.

B.C. you are very welcome.

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Don't know what to 'title' this.....

ALL HOMO.
:-)

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Word of the day

Oxymoron

1. A figure of speech by which a locution produces an incongruous, seemingly self-contradictory effect, as in “cruel kindness” or “to make haste slowly.”

 

A common misconception is that any set of contradicting words placed together makes an oxymoron; but a phrase or sentence is truly not an oxymoron unless it actually DOES make sense, even if it might not seem to.

 

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The Probability of Success

Research allows me to design a strategy
that will increase my chances of winning you over once again.
Taking more of a risk than if I was playing at the Palms.
You're worth the chances I need to take.
Over the last quarter, our meetings have not been productive,
Our conferences constantly disconnecting.
Leaving me to think that the market is crashing;
The Great Depression is among our relationship
Unless we itemize our portfolio and analyze our transactions.
I bet your 20% of your worth that our interactions have the ability to gain momentum
Get back on track to increase our value.
My dividends have decreased without you.
I need you.

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Recent Inspiration

Amazing shot. I def have some tricks up my sleeve to recreate this.

In other news.....I have been beastin my latest photoshoots. Lately I have had so much inspiration and ideas running through my head. I am really learning my craft and hopefully perfecting it. The photographer that I worked with on Sunday usually uses someone else for his shoots. He told me that he admired my work and didn't know I was so talented. He will DEFINITELY be booking me again. Hopefully I'll become his main artist when he does shoots in Atlanta.

I. Am. Happy!

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.....Marketing Research.....

10/13/10

Mindless images. I don't have to worry about anything.

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Tonight

My husband is dj'ing. So excited.

Nine West 'Heech' wedges
Lux black full skirt
Vintage black belt
Vintage Black/Blue/Red plaid dress worn as tube
Vintage Vogue couture bolero
Vintage jewelry

I might not be the best poet, intellitectual thinker, co-signer, or designer....but I think I can dress pretty well.

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Today

I have to go to traffic school. :-( Got a speeding ticket when I was driving to Chicago for Labor Day. I was pissed, but I had a good time in Chicago so it really didn't matter.

I finally downloaded Authenticity by Foreign Exchange. My shoulders haven't stop their shimmy. I can't wait to see them in concert. Alex and I were talking about it. Hopefully it happens soon. We professed we need some concerting in our lives. Aspappy!!!!

I'm not to good at holding back my feelings. If I feel it, you will be informed (if it involves you, of course). I need to learn to stay in my place, assume my responsibilities, and refrain from wishing things could be different. It is what it is.

But I would be lying if I said I didn't have you in the back of my mind.

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Word of the day

Rehabilitation

1. to restore to a condition of good health, ability to work, or the like.

2. to restore to good condition, operation, or management, as a bankrupt business.

3. to reestablish the good reputation of (a person, one's character or name, etc.).

4. to restore formally to former capacity, standing, rank, rights, or privileges.

The heart needs to undergo intense rehabilitation before it is able to love again.

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Last Night

Listened to some amazing music
Drank wine with Jones
Went to Target for a re-up wine run
Talked to Kristen about stuff
Continued to drink wine
Lo sent me thee funniest picture of himself
And more wine
Kurtis came over
Kendra came over
Puffery ensued
Dragged Kristen to her bed
Offered Kendra yellow basketball shorts
She refused
She was dyking hard with red boxers on
You ever go night night nigga?
Everybody go night night nigga!

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Today

Blue/Green/Red/Black plaid shirt
Levi Capital E jeans
Cream open-tow flats with a big Black bow.

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Bodies in Motion

Scraggly women in faded saris,
they haggled fiercely with their customers,
demanding more rupees,
MORE,
MORE.

(by Mary Anne Mohanraj)

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My Friends are ahhhh-mazing.....

produced by: Ryan Torregano also known as RT or Lil daddy with the dreds bka 1/2 of THEE Legendary Weirdos.

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The Many Times

All I Want Is You

Cause being a friend
Is killing me softly
Hear voices
Wondering where I went wrong
It was my fault,
In the wrong time,
I wonder so often,
Regrets
Get exhausting

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Mine Alone.

I miss the words
that flow from the depths of my being
Using the technology from Blackberry
to the functionality of #2 pencils
to express my essential thoughts.
I may not have been taught
However comma the structure is my own
That haiku can't move you
like I do
My thoughts are more powerful and magical than New Orleans Voodoo.

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Last Night

I got a phone call from my other wife (Roz) and she broke down on the phone. I was so taken aback because I don't think I've heard her really break down and cry. She was fighting with her boyfriend, who used to be one of her good friends. The only thing I kept thinking when trying to console her was "keep business....business. Keep personal....personal." In many ways, having friends is like a business transaction. There is supposed to be some type of exchange or reprocity that takes place. JT told me that earlier when I got into an slight argument with a friend of mine. I can't expect people to have the same set of values and considerations that I possess. I would go out of my way for many of my friends and I would put 100% effort into any business transaction that I undertake. When these two aspects of life combine....most of the time it's nothing but trouble.

I ended up apologizing to my friend and he didn't respond to me. That sucks. I was thinking about it a lot last night. But I can't feel bad or sad. I did my part. The considerate thing, the responsible and conscious thing. If he never responds, two tears in a bucket......fuck it!

I finally spent time with - - - - - - last night. Truly missed. I'm really trying to make a conscious effort to allow distance to come in between us. I know it sounds shitty, but I believe it's truly for the better. When we move away from each other, I don't want it to be difficult and sappy and heartbreaking and all of that mushiness. I figure if I create space now, the gap will be far away enough so that grief doesn't enter the situation. I love love love love - - - - - -. I truly do. Having someone be IN love with me is ahhh-mazing.

It's just so complicated.

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Malik Fanon

I haven't had the best relationship with my brother. He's the oldest of my mother's children and grew up as the only child. My mother didn't have Earry until Malik was about 13. I thought he hated us. I know he did. He told me all the time. He made us more than aware that we ruined his life. I remember him calling me a hoe on my 13th birthday. That shit broke my heart.

More recently, we've become a little closer. He's really a good man. He has evolving to do, as we all do. He has the potential to be a ruler. I just wish he gave himself a chance.

He wrote this (on FB, of all places):
Tell yourself you deserve the very best in life. Believe that affluence is your destiny. Focus on your blessings. Show gratitude for what you have. Rise above negativity. Use your imagination to envision your future. Stop worrying. Be creative and watch your dreams and aspirations come alive. Reach one, teach one.

If Malik ever reads this,
Thank you. For everything. Even the negative. You've helped me grow.

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Word of the day.

Dichotomy

1. division into two parts, kinds, etc.; subdivision into halves or pairs.

2. division into two mutually exclusive, opposed, or contradictory groups

There is a dichotomy between thoughts and actions.

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Mmmph.

...Social Theory...

10/13/10

Free creation without the arbitrary restrictions of coersive instituitions.

Defend you or condemn you.

The Sociological Imagination.

Functions (manifest vs. latent)

When you talk about the power elite, you automatically think millions (not in terms of numbers, but in terms of wealth)

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Last Night

Beating down
Hard hitting
Thick drizzle
The sounds penetrated my ear drums
Swirling through the canal
My head pounding
Absorbing the stresses of the day made my body shut down
In turn my mind began to suffer
But I heard salvation moving swiftly across the atmosphere
I heard it so intensely
Counldn't deny the rhythm that became of this natural phenomenon
The rain came down
Beating down
Hard hitting
Thick drizzle
Large drops
Water molecules pop
As they hit my patio
So mesmerizing
I turned off the television
I preferred the noise
Of the rain.

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Introduction is in order

Part of me feels that it is going to be so difficult. The time, the effort, the thoughts, the obligation. It will be a lot on my plate. On the other hand, I need some type of outlet to get my ideas out. They are traveling through my heart, my soul, my mind, my spirit at lightning speed. I couldn’t reduce the speed if I wanted to.

Well I guess I need to introduce myself….to myself. I really don’t plan on bragging about this blog so this introduction is, more or less, from me to me. Sometimes you never realize how and why you feel until you read it or hear yourself saying it.

I’m Nia. Tall. Semi-freckled. Super focused. Talented. Experimental. Scared. Emotional. Consistent. Evolving. Loving. Kinda funny. Super goofy around the right people. I want to be multi-talented. I want to be good at everything. I’m a makeup artist (Observing and learning everyday). A wardrobe stylist (I need to really learn more of this craft). I’m a market researcher (Plan on taking over my mommy's business one day). An anthropologist (I love dirt). Pop locker. Body rocker. Wig Splitter. Knucker. AND Bucker. My very own deity. A god-mommy. A daughter. Sister. Aunt. Cousin. Sugar Plum. Friend. Wife. Mistress. Girlfriend. Lover. Hater. Love hater. I carry the weight of my family’s success on my shoulders. I know I shouldn’t put so much stress on myself. People tell me all the time that I need to stop caring so much. But it’s hard for me. My family is my salvation. At the moment, tears are forming in my eyes. I think ALL the time. There’s not one moment that I go through this journey of life and I’m not dreaming/thinking/analyzing/criticizing myself and the world around me. Many parts of me (I have 16 personalities) wants to be carefree. I want to be able not to cry when I’m truly thinking about myself. Dreaming about who I am. Analyzing my thoughts. Criticizing my behavior.


I’ve come so far.


I’ve got so far to go.

My purpose:

I consider this blog my filing cabinet. When I’m feeling a certain way, I will write it down. I love words; I wish I would read the dictionary every day. Sometimes I will just write a word, sometimes I will write a poem (even though I don’t think my writing is that good). When I find inspiration, I will place it here. This awesome thing called technology will conveniently stamp a date and time on my entries so I can know when and essentially track my progression through life.

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