Lazy Sundays

The growth of the human mind
Exponentially reminds me of....
Lazy Sundays
The increase
The decrease
Of nerve endings and synapses
Remind me of Lazy Sundays
Trying so hard to make an impact
Too lazy and sluggish to react
To the motions of the day.
That one day to relax and chill,
No longer feel
Except for the power of Jesus, of course
Finally ready to express remorse
These Lazy Sundays
Manifest a stop and go
The yes and no
You're a sinner or a hoe
Lazy Sundays are the rest phase from constant planning and partying of the night before.
When your mind was only concerned with being a whore.
Lazy Sundays do more than the negative, of course.
Sometimes it channels intelligent discourse.
Lazy Sundays are the days you watch your news
Get the latest on the economy
Just follow me
The same way you believe the opinions of the TV host
That's doing the most
Pointing blame
Shedding dirt on everyone's name
Barely discussing the real issues

Sigh

These
Lazy
Sundays.

N*

Blah day #23432849948321

Motivating myself needs to be my 1st priority.

I'm slightly happy, not truly fulfilled.

I feel like I cry all the time for no good reason.

When does a confused soul finally reach a path that isn't cluttered with debris. Clear enough to walk straight. Not worried about stubbing my toes. Or failing.

N*

Reinstated

I've been away for so long. I guess it is only proper that I do my random shpeel about the things that are going at this exact moment.

Ok...here goes!

So I finally started writing again. Nothing spectacular or long or intricate. Just something to get my feet wet again.

So you weren't filled enough?
I didn’t inspire you to rebuild enough
Sift through the rubble and find what we could use for US.

I created a new blog for a friends/family hair challenge and it's going well, I would say. I'm just super happy that I am able to encourage and motivate my peeps to a better way. I've been super lazy lately, so it's actually encouraging me to do MORE! In the ways that I eat and take care of myself. In the way that I learn and grow. This whole thing has helped me tremendously. I just have to stay focused.

I was in NY for 2 weeks and had the time of my life. Too much to write about. It was beautiful though. It showed me a lot about myself and who I needed to become.

In my adventures of life, I found some really cool places in Chicago that I have never been to before. This weekend in particular has been spectacular because I was exposed to elemenets of Chicago that I complained were lacking. Silly me! Even though I am looking for a job in another city, I am starting to appreciate Chicago and its role in my life. I can tell it wants our relationship to be more mutual. Chicago wants me to explore her more.

Oh, super random....lately, women that I know (friends and family) have had these on-and-off relationships with people and it seems very UGH to me. The relationships are not healthy nor evolving (just based off the stories I hear and experiences I encounter). It just seems like something is out of place in their relationships. Or maybe it's me that doesn't realize the power of love. The pulling force of love. I haven't been in a "relationship" in a long time. My last relationship wasn't all that it could be....I know that. Mostly because of me. I recognize my faults. But do I want to have love again in my life if it's going to involve drama, tears, indecisiveness, happiness, insecurities, and hopefully conversation?

Totally unrelated, but slightly related (but not in a rude way). Congrats to you Taryn for rekindling your old flame.....again. You look so happy and filfulled. You don't know how happy I am because of that. I went to a Stevie Wonder tribute party and I had a lot of FUN!!!! I knew that would bring a smile to your Superwoman, Signed-Sealed-Delivered loving ass. :-)

I love these skates!!! AAHHHHH!H!H!!!! =D

Oh, I moved to an apartment on 35th and Indiana with my friend. It's awesome!! I love it. I don't mind living with a boy either. You already know that I love listening to people, their opinions, jokes, hardships, triumphs, all that good stuff. It feels good to get this prospective.

I have to go wash my hair. I have a ton more o' random to post.

Be back soon.

Nia.

DAMN!!!

I haven't posted in forever.

When I'm done with my sickly-ness....I'll post.

I promise.

I miss you.

Nia.

I will....

Never learn.

N*

Who RUN The World.....

Soooo proud of my best friend/brother for putting this together. This was his 1st event with Alize and it was PERFECT!!!

Alizé Mix Squad Launch Event in NYC from Alizé on Vimeo.

Check out the video. These chicks ROCK!!!

p.s. YASSSS Mama Kweli with the pink and white polka dot lip.

N*

Slowly getting back in the groove

This man
Came from nowhere
Fell from the sky
Beyond the somewhere
In an instant
Combustion occurred
Sending domino-effect inspired reactions to reach from the top of my curls to the gray polish that adorns my toes.
No need to worry about the other hoes because this is something I know.
I know and appreciate the tingle I feel when I transfer my energy to his beautiful brown skin.
I know and remember the intensity that the walls and the door and the sheets and the shower whisper about after we left our mark.
I know and need this man.
The combustion keeps me.
I won't forget it.
It won't leave me.
I need it.
I know.

N*

....... 5/23/11 ........

I have so many things to say.

Taryn is giving me the extra nudge I need to post something on this blog.

I'm home. And I love it. I have absolutely loved spending time with my family. It's been awesome.

I'm sitting here while my mom twists her hair and complains that I never help her while she embarks on her natural journey.

Should I get kinky twists? Seems pretty cool. And easy.

I really need to get back on my hair regimen.

The Bulls lost tonight against Miami (series 2-1).

Got a manicure and pedicure yesterday with My Name.....boy did I need it!!!!

Maybe I'll start "working" this week.......maybe not. :-/

I slightly miss Alabama and my two roomies, Kristen and Ciara.

I need to get better at calling people back. SMH!

So much more on my mind, but I don't feel like delving into my complicated and confused mental processes.

Until soon,

N*

5/6/11

I haven't posted in so long.

Clearly more than a week.

Mad busy....but I will post something early next week.

whatev.

N*

Unexpected flutter

Words have become a major part of my life. After connecting with someone last year.....I found that joy again. The voice that I never really realized that I had. Understanding how to put simple words together to communicate complicated feelings, thoughts, beliefs, and values just amazes me. I think everyone has the ability to share through words. After the last person that I dated never felt the need or found the ability to write a poem for me, it really put a damper in our relationship. Communication was not a priority to this person and that's fine, but it doesn't work for me. I love to communicate. I'll tell my true feelings to a deaf man if he is willing to read my lips.

So when Jacob wrote me a poem only after a few days of communicating and enduring the struggles of life, it felt amazing. I can't even describe the feeling. This person is not a poet, but took time out of their day and energy from their mind to effectively communicate with my heart and soul.

I would love to blog what Jacob wrote but it's way too special to me.

N*

People are......

Psycho.

N*

Downfall #243

N*

Memoirs

I am really considering writing a memoir. For myself really. I don't have the most exciting life right now, but I guarantee you that some crazy shit happens to me. This movie called MY LIFE is currently playing a ton of songs right on top of each other. It's jumbled.....can't hear a consistent beat or rhythm.

Yet.....I like life right now. I like the state I'm in. I'm taking life and this journey in Alabama for what it is. Appreciate all the people that entered my world. Appreciate the weather for giving me a great tan. Appreciate the pollen for getting me addicted to Benadryl. Appreciate my roommates for being awesome. Appreciate my family for being so supportive during this time.

Appreciate YOU (whoever you are) for seeing something in ME (whomever I am).

I might start writing when I get on the plane to go back to Chicago. My mommy told me that she just wanted me to relax.....and for the 1st time in a long time.....I feel like I'll just be able to breathe.

N*

Jay.

This person makes my heart flutter.

I felt butterflies for the 1st time in forever.

I've been bold lately.

Made the 1st move.....

Went in for the kiss.

Well worth it.

Peace momentarily.

Ended in chaos.

N*

Late Nights

Lay behind me
Place your hand around my throat
Pull me closer
Control my breath
As I fall into slumber
You will control my thoughts.

N*

My BABY!!!!

Today is the 8th birthday of my AWESOME god-daughter Kennedy Ja'lyn Truitt. I love her more than Hello Kitty. I love her more than the air I breathe. I love her more than everything in the world.

She always tells me she loves me more than food.

I love that little girl.

N*

p.s. Also, a very Happy Birthday to one of my favorite ex's Jason. He told me when I come home, we're getting married. Let us laugh in unison.

D.a.m.n.

I thought of some dope shit this morning.
While I was brushing my teeth.
Now I have forgotten.
Damn you delicious Colgate for distracting me.

N*

4/11/2011

I'm working through my problems.

In the past, this blog has been a major release for me.

Now, I'm afraid of how bad my fingers will hurt and how long my posts will be if I really vent the way I want to.

Nothing to serious going on, just need to release.

But I have work to do.....

So it'll have to wait.

N*

Le français

Pornos
Some Hormones
And some boxes of Digiorno
You homos
Is loco
You're probably drinking Cuervo
With some Vatos
With the door closed
Watching Zorro
You homos.

French by Tyler, The Creator (Toro y Moi remix)

(this kid is a beast!)

N*

....WHEW.....

356 items of clothing.......
60 pairs of shoes............
A plethora of belts, purses, undies, and hats......

I am finally ready to starty packing and shipping my stuff to Chicago!!!!!
WOOT WOOT!!!!

Can I get a HELLS YEAH!?!?!

36 days.

N*

I'm Good

I'm good now.

Sometimes you just have to let things and people go (Deej reminded me of this). I understand that many people are blah about me leaving and I def understand. If people begin to distance themselves from me, they are doing it for their own personal reasons and I can't be mad at that. I'm sorry, but I won't beg anyone to come around and hang out or do the things we used to do as friends if they really don't want to.

Hopefully, we will remain friends despite our recent distance. Nevertheless, I'm GOOD! I have toooooooo much that I need to be focused on to be worried about my friends, or lackthereof. I know it sounds harsh, but it's true. I will always remain friends with the people I invite into my life.

Reciprocity is never my goal or objective.

N*

Like Always

Peace is Supreme.

N*

Enlightenment

I had very insightful talks with my mom and my wife yesterday. Very insightful, to say the least.

They made me realize that it's quite possible that people are being rude and distancing themselves from me to protect their own feelings because I am leaving Alabama.

The relationships that I have established in Montgomery were awesome neverthless, there's no beating around the bush....I'm leaving in a few weeks. I don't expect the people that I have established relationships with to talk to me every single day, but I do believe in loyalty and communication. I really do work hard in making sure my friends are happy and growing and always supported. I know that I might go from zero to sixty sometimes in terms of my temper/attitude but after both parties calm down, we laugh, and we move on.

As of recently, people very close to me have distanced themselves from me and have done some VERY shady things and in the back of my mind, I feel like it's my fault. My mommy and wife reminded me that I can't blame myself for anything because I was not the only person involved in the relationship (I don't mean lovey dovey relationship either. Whenever two people come together and engage in interaction and socialization, a relationship is formed. Please forgive the sociologist in me.).

People are trying to cope with me leaving Alabama just as much as I am trying to cope with leaving them AND Alabama.

Of course my hope was that my friends and I communicate and come to some type of balance and contentment leading up to my departure. This balance would carry on to Chicago and they would come and visit in the summer. Or we could talk on the phone often to make sure our lives are still aligned. Whatever I expected. It's not really happening that way.

I want my friends to know that regardless of what you have done in the past couple of weeks, I AM still your friend and I hold the same values since the beginning of our friendship. I care, I love, I support. From any distance....from any city.

N*

Truth.

Everybody act according to the season that they born in
Some in the night
Some in the morning
Some at noon
Some in winter some in June
It's all cool, it's natural
-Black Dante-Mos Def-The Boogeyman.
(History)
N*

Victims of Progress

I've been hurt by so many people in the past couple of weeks.

I feel like a victim of emotional assault.

I need to remember to breathe.

Progression should be my only priority.

N*

Reminescent......

Of the great J. Dilla.

Enjoy.

His mixtape is available on Bandcamp, it's not super spectacular though.
(geteye.bandcamp.com)



N*

Unknown

I wrote this on a sticky note forever ago, I'm assuming. 

Found it on an old article from school.

It states:

Would you hate me if I never came back to Chicago?
Why can't we link up @ airports around the world?
Like perfect strangers.

N*

I really don't know what to do.....

It's hard to let go,

But I've done it before.

I know parts of the truth.

Discovered through drunken stupors.

But do I depend on that for my heart's insight?

I really don't know what to do.

N*

Serenity

"Right thoughts produce right actions and right actions produce work which will be a material reflection for others to see of the serenity at the center of it all" - Robert Pirsiq

"Serenity is not freedom from the storm, but peace amid the storm" - Unknown

"Bordeom is the feeling that everything is a waster of time; serenity, that nothing is"- Thomas Szasz

"Good humor is a tonic for mind and body. It is the best antidote for anxiety and depression. It is a business asset. It attracts and keeps friends. It lighten human burdens. It is the direct route to serenity and contentment" - Grenville Kleiser

"There was a peace, a serenity, an absence of all sense of responsibility, an absence of worry, an absence of care, grief, perplexity; and the presence of a deep content and unbroken satisfaction in that hundred millions years of holiday which I look back upon with a tender longing and with a grateful desire to resume, when the opportunity comes" - Mark Twain

"The sole art that suits me is that which, rising from unrest, tends toward serenity" - Andre Gide

N*

This Weekend.....

I did absolutely nothing and it felt stupendious.

Now, back to grindin (and detoxing).

N*

Finally!!!!

I have finally finished the book!!!!!

Completely finished.

And one quote stood out to me in which I think certainly pertains to the situations that I am experiencing in life at the moment:

"Why should she give important things and receive nothing in return?"

N*

The Blacker the Berry

....I've literally been reading this book since forever. I started it...then stopped....started from the beginning...then stopped again.

I would lay on my patio....topless....Pandora playing through my speakers.....reading this book. And I would stop. Too ignorant to make use of the serenity. Not calm enough to just BE. Too anxious to enjoy what was happening around me.

Finally, I'm finishing the book. I've been reading it all day at work. It is surprisingly helpful with getting my mind off another failed relationship. Everyone that breaks up blames the other person....this time I acknowledge it's me. It's always me. Not in a bad, 'I Hate Myself' kind of way. I have recognized more that I need to transition into becoming a better person. I will use my last 2 months in Alabama to initiate that process.

"Haven't you had enough liquor, or are you just trying to settle the ills of the universe?" (The Blacker the Berry, pg. 143)

N*

Start: 10:28pm (3/16/2011)

Laying in the bed right now.....
Not worried about the world around me.
Candle light slightly glistens in the corner of my left eye.
The computer screen blocks the obstruction of its full flame.
Heart beats fast due to the intake
My mistake
Inhale.

End: 10:30pm (3/16/2011)

N*

#BANG

<iframe title="YouTube video player" width="640" height="510" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/VOLmdlm58Qs" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
N*

Anti-Assisination

Thunder and lightning fill the air
And the sensation of the tingle was your dowry.
It's one thing to hear you breathing loudly
But this time it seemed that your lungs didn't even care.
Rapidly intaking and ingesting that energy
Spewing it back.....
Projectile style.
Not even concerned with the outside,
But the here and now
And somehow
A single shot hits me
POW!
Death is not upon me
It's like reincarnation
Revitalization
This crazy sensation
This inspiration
Begs of me to show you my appreciation
In the back seat of your car.

N*

Fragility

"Gods are fragile things; they may be killed by a whiff of science or a dose of common sense"
-Chapman Cohen

"Civilization is hideously fragile and there's not much between us and the horrors underneath"
-Carrie P. Snow

"A human life is fragile, but the mind is even more so"
-Unknown

"Freedom is fragile and must be protected. To sacrifice it, even as a temporary measure, is to betray it"
-Germaine Greer

Humanity is fragile.
Praying for tsunami victims.

N*

Random things I have thought lately.....

At my darkest moment.....when all is lost, you are at my side.

Bitch...I'm on a budget....QUARTER WATER *in my Nicki M. voice*

I don't care what you do, think, or say....you will never forget me, FRIEND *wink*

I'm camouflaged, my efforts simply vanish.

Salvation depends on the individual.

[I really do think some of the most random things. I know I haven't been writing lately, not because I'm blah or discouraged or unable.....but because I'm focused on school and my future career. A real friend would have investigated my feelings and assisted me in reinforcing positive feeling and poetic thoughts. You failed the test]

N*

I am obsessed

She's soooooooo damn pretty and soulful.

Mmmphhh.....

N*

I Follow Rivers

Bang!

N*

Sigh....

I haven't written in a while. So busy with school and work and projects. Speaking of projects, I officially have a new job. Social Media Specialist from G-Pod which is a multimedia and design firm in Chicago. Basically I tweet and status update all day, everyday and get PAID!!!! I have a project for them now, but I'll realllllllyyyyyyyyyyy be doing it when I get to Chicago. I'm sure I'll be their assistant too. Does that mean that I will get two checks? Hmmmm.......

Amazing art show tonight produced by some of my friends. It's going to be thee most cultured event in Montgomery. If you read my blog and you are in Montgomery, I URGE you to be there. Tonight from 6-9 @ 1466 Furnace St.

Going to New Orleans tomorrow to chill. No, really....like I'm just going to chill. I have absolutely nothing planned except get drunk and be belligerent on Bourbon St. =D
Might be going back next weekend too with my roomie. She said she wants to get away from Montgomery. I'm always down for the cause.

I'll be in Chicago the weekend after that for my wife's stylist showcase. If anybody that reads my blog is in Chicago, I URGE you to be there. It's going to be amazing and much needed. RSVP @ cccculturecouture@gmail.com and I'll give all the info. Oh, it's on Saturday, March 12th.

Wondering what to get my wife for her b-day. Shoes perhaps? Those always make her happy. So excited to see her though. We've both been slightly struggling with life lately. We've really been in each other's corner lately. I really just want to hug her as extra confirmation of how much I appreciate her in my life.

May scheduling: Mommy and Earl get in town May 12th. Last day of work on May 13th. Graduation is May 14th. Getting rid of my unneccessary junk on May 15th. I'll be on the plane back to Chicago on May 16th.

Sigh.....back to work.

N*

Oh Shittttt.........

That previous post.....that one....down there......

That was my 100th post!!!!

Raise the muth@fuck!n roof!!!!!

N*

Poem: plethora

So I wrote this is history class the other day and it's creation is influenced by class, documentaries, life, and love. I will call it poem: plethora. Don't really know what to title it. Usually I don't know what to title most of the randomness I write. And trust me, this will be random. But then again, it's not to me. I know why it is and what it is.

Sentiments
Sentimental feelings
Mental acrobats
The causation of the psychology exercise that works out the brain
Keeps it right and tight
And worrisome and confused
Lies in a small space in the southern hemisphere of the United States
Too far but never too far to know that the heart beats louder than drums played by any musicians' band.
Understand?
Sentiments.
Sentimental feelings
Will never disappear like the sky or the heavens
Or the trees and in the summertime
All the bees.
They won't go away like the pestering people that live blind to the realities of the world.
More concerned with pop culture than human nature.
Naturally, it leaves one hurt and bruised.
Feelings that seem to overlap.
Building sturdy foundations where brokenness can lay
Safely.
Accompanied by regret.
I bet.....
You any amount of money that better times will come.
I just don't know where they would come from.

N*

Social Psychology

I'm a tad bit behind but.....

2/7/2011

Instincts are impotent explanations of interactions.

N*

Social Psychology

I haven't done this in a while. I miss sharing my notes from class.

2/10/11

Me thinking while the professor is lecturing: Sometimes she sounds like a poet. Other times she sounds like a redneck.

What you heard is not what the person said.

Understanding intention requires imagining a situation from the others point of view.

'They' sway us. Who is 'they'?

Meaning is anchored in behavior.

We must adjust attitudes to create balance (clearly I need to follow this advice).

N*

In Social Psychology class......

No poetry comes to mind
Thoughts filled with frustrations
Regret
And a sense of defeat.
My feat was strong, heavy, and bold.
Not really concerned with the term 'old'.
More mature, more experienced,
More something.
Perhaps.
Considering the possibility of love was something like a trap.
I moved too slow.
It snapped
Onto me like I was a mouse
Caught in its final resting place.
Love will be the death of me.

N*

2/9/11 @ 3:50pm

Let me stop being sappy for real.

It's not very fitting.

We all go through our hard times.

I can honestly say I made the effort.

Things didn't work in my favor.

I'm still happy.

Very focused.

I'm exceling in my passion.

My investments are about to see a great return.

And my booty is getting bigger.

;-p

N*

2/9/2011

Don't you get tired of giving your all to people (or a person) and you get nothing back in return. They let you down and treat you like nothing ever happened?

Don't you just hate that?

N*

Once Again.....

I feel like the fool.

Try to be nice to these hoes and they don't appreciate it.

sigh.

N*

Who Are You......

I'm a lover, I'm a fighter, I'm a saint, I'm a sinner
I'm a loser, I'm a winner, but I'm just a beginner
I'm a chiefin Indian
Buddhist
Egyptian

N*

Busy Bee....that's ME!

I haven't been writing lately. Not that I haven't had the inspiration, I just honestly haven't had the time. I've been ON top of the school/work thing lately. Just trying to stay focused and complete everything strong. I have some major shoots coming up so the times I am on the computer with idle time, I am usually looking for inspiration so I can knock your socks.

Everything is well. I am happy. I'm gaining weight....trying to be thick-A-licious!!!! Ready considering going to Atlanta for Valentine's Day. Bilal is performing!! One of my ABSOLUTE favs, for sure. And since I can't make it to his concert in Chicago on March 5th (which Nicole keeps nagging/making me jealous about), I decided Atlanta would be my only other option. I think Kurtis wants me to be his Valentine. He said he wanted to take me to the Aquarium. Awwwwwwww......Kurty. LOL!

I miss my family like crazy. I miss my mommy like whoa! I miss my wife. I can't wait to see My Name. And I REALLLLLYYYY want to see my Loenthal (aka Lorenzo P). He's going through some things right now and I really just want to give him a hug right now. Plus....we have great best friend date nights.

Speaking of dates.....Three.....count it 1,2,3 people have asked to take me on a date when I get back to Chicago. Say whatttt?!??!?!?!?! I don't even know what to do on dates. Giggle at the jokes and chew in a non-obnoxious way. *shrug* Who knows!?! Maybe I should Google it.

Until Soon,

N*

Inspiration

My Advanced Seminar professor inspired me today more than any other professor I think I've ever had. Not only is she a cool ass Black woman...slightly afrocentric....100% intelligent....rocking a salt and pepper afro....but she's also a Doctor. She told us the story of her journey through education.

Went to college at 17.
Partied way too much (She dropped like it was hot in class....I promise you).
Finished her last 3 years of college with straight A's.
Had a family.
Went back to get her Master's degree when she was 40!!!!!
Got her Doctorate.
And now....she is paid!

This is someone I wouldn't mind being like when I grow up. But I want to get some experience in life. More experience. I NEED to travel. But as soon as I'm done with my escapades.....I'm getting my Masters of Arts in Socio-Cultural Anthropology.

N*

Yummmm...........

Kurty and I just made dinner. It's late, but it was well worth it.

Love my Kurty.

N*

Weekend Update

Nothing spectacular to report.

*Photoshot on Saturday morning.....well....that was kind of amazing!!! I'll post shots when I get them.

*My Chicago Bears lost....I damn near cried.

*I've been exhausted. Working like crazy. Starting to feel the pressure of my hectic schedule. I went to sleep at 12am...woke up at 7. The most sleep I've gotten in a long time.

*My mom has been bragging about her iPad that her best friend Joey got her for her b-day. (heard through the tech saavy grapevine that another will be released in April, so the current model will be cheap as shit. That just might be my graduation present...to myself!)

*I'm loving life.

*I made a new friend. She's so nice and she thinks I'm funny (no funny business...scouts honor).

*I'm eating Lay's chips for breakfast and they are freaking delicious.

Until soon,

N*

Maybe one day.......

I stumbled upon this song yesterday and instantly had the urge to dance. Not many people that have entered my life recently (I'll say in the past 3-5 years) has ever seen me dance or know the passion that I used to carry for dance.

I danced to this song yesterday and it was the most liberating, evolutionary, purposeful, meaningful, amazing thing that I have done in a very LONG time. Every step I took, I exhaled. Every turn I did, I exhaled. Every random motion I completed, I exhaled.

And then I cried. Not that snotty cry, but that relieved cry. That intense, heart pounding, you feel so good and no longer tense cry. Mmphh........



Maybe one day I'll record my random dancing. It's going to become part of my normal routine now.

P.S. Donny Hathaway takes my breath away.

N*

1st Order of Business

You will appreciate me.....or you won't have me.

N*

Behold...a series

I know I said I would start my Behold series, but I've been extra busy with life. And I love it. I've been focused and organized (even though I still need to clean my house, but I'll get around to that later).

*I am ready for school to really begin. I continue to realize that I only have 4 more months in Alabama. Such a bittersweet thought that crosses my mind. I have learned so much here. Grown tremendously. Experienced amazing people, sunsets, summer nights. They are coming to an end soon. The fact that I even experienced them is enough for me. I will treasure my thoughts for eternities.

*I got a raise at work!!! Hells to the muth@fuk!n yeah!!! My boss literally walked in a said "I gave you a raise. Effectively immediately. Ok cool." I thinked I smiled for 2 hours. SOOOOOO grateful and blessed! I was really trying to figure out and calculate how I was going to save the amount of money that I really wanted to save for my journeys back to Chicago and trust me....this raise will DEF help.

*We had a great time in Atlanta this past weekend. My mommy's 60th birthday and my roommate moved there. It was great! Spent time with my fav cousin and he put me on some RIDICULOUS music. Think about this, he has over 5,500 albums in his music collection. Not songs......ALBUMS!!! Crazy!

*On the search for the perfect graduation outfit. The shoes MUST be bangers. I'll let you  know what I find.

*I have a new roomie. She'll be moving in next Tuesday. I'll take pictures of her pretty lil face for you. She's an athletic trainer for the Alabama State football. Some of the guys from the team will be moving her furniture. I will be supplying the lemonade and cookies. ;-)

*Upcoming travel plans: Columbus, Ohio to see an old friend in 2 weeks. Chicago, IL to find an apartment March 11-14th. New York City to be determined. Chicago, IL to live, prosper, and grow on May 15th!

*A person that I kinda know through association sent me a random message and told me their tiny little secret. This person dreams about me! Whattttt?!?!? Are people really intrigued by lil ol' me. I surely hope so!!!

*Broke up with a friend the other day. Sad, but not really. I actually feel really good about it. I was talking to Kurtis about it and I had the urge to cry for 2 seconds. Then my soul said "be calm" and the urge was gone. Like I told this person and like many of my close friends know, I don't let a lot of people into my life. Yes I am a social person, but I reserve my friendliness, energy, effort, time, space, gifts, love, whatever to those I think deserve it and will appreciate it. I really felt like this friend didn't desire to be in my life anymore. I felt like this friend was so caught up in back and forth relationships that they couldn't see how much I was willing to help and be there for them. All I kept thinking when I was discussing certain things with my ex-friend was "What's wrong with being single?" It really sucks but so many people I know (or hear about) get consumed in relationships instead of focusing on themselves and learning who they are. Get experience in life before you continue to manipulate other's lives.

*Major photoshoots coming up. Too excited. I'm also looking into joining an agency. I hope all goes well.

That's it for now. This was much longer than I intended it to be. I always ramble. The moral of this post was supposed to be that I would begin my Behold series.

Peace is supreme.

N*

I love.....

Compliments!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Give them to me.....give me more!
yum..yum..yum..yum. ;-)

N*

Life Changing words......

She said:

Peace is supreme, my love. Give love, keep love and love will come back. Smile often and people that frustrate you, let go.
-Tenn

These words are about to change my life.

Thank you Tenn.

N*

Life

Glorified in situations
through manifestations.

Really trying

I feel like my motto for today should be "Woooosahhhhh!"

I know there are tons of people wondering, "Why the hell are you still in school Nia?!" The fact of the matter is the education system that we rely so heavily on is very fucked up (please excuse my language). This is my 4th year in school and my patience is starting to wear thin. How is it possible that I have close to 160 credit hours and I still haven't graduated.

Oh....I think I know why............

* Several classes that I need to graduate are offered at the same exact time (literally....the same time, classrooms right next to each other).

* My advisors are overwhelmed so I have done my own advising for the past fewsemesters. Only NOW are my advisors and other professors taking the initative to help me figure out what classes I need.

* There is a conspiracy theory to keep students in college for as long as possible to continue the outpour of government and local funding that colleges and universities receive when students enroll.

* Lastly, I still have not graduated because there is not enough time in the day to take ALL the classes I need, continue working, manage my business/career, and be a normal, socialable, calm, and evolving human being.

I like.....I love learning, but at a certain point, the education system makes me resent it....heavily! Unregretably!

I would think they would want us to graduate in an acceptable timeframe. The more graduates they have, the more support they would be able to count on from alumni. DUH!!! The happier you make students, the more money they will allocate for you when they begin their careers. The careers that we are sooooooooo desperately desiring and the careers that you won't let us start because we missed an art appreciation class.

I need to stop ranting because I can go on for hours. My tummy hurts!

So for this semester, instead of taking the 3 classes that my advisor told me I needed to take, I am now having to enroll in 6 classes.

Let the tears begin.

N*

New status:

I really want to vent right now, but part of me is saying I really don't have to. Even though sadness overwhelms me, relationships sometimes just are meant to work out. Now that I look back on it, I should have never pursued a relationship with you. I love you to death, but you weren't ready for the situation I put you in. I should have thought more, prayed more, mediated more, realized more. It's too late for that now.

I appreciate your presence in my life. One day you will make someone very happy. As your friend, I gave your advice in love and life that will always be relevant. You need to learn how to communicate better. Shrugging shoulders will never progess a relationship. Trust me....I have the statistics.

There are certain things that I expect in a relationship. Even though I am very anti-relationship in most points of my life, I do realize what is healthy/unhealthy, real/fake, good/bad for love. If you showed more effort to me, I'm sure we wouldn't have the problems that we've had. In this process of life, lessons are infinite. I have the ability to teach you. You have the same ability. My hope is that I've taught you, most importantly, that if your partner (emotionally/mentally) needs something from you, give it to them. It will work out for both parties.

Writing me a poem didn't seem like a ridiculous request.

I love you. Always will.

N*

The influence goes strong....

N*

Truthfully

I don't feel this way at all, but I was just thinking:

In heartbreak, ice cream is the only thing that can defrost the heart.

N*

Brooklyn Moon

Behold
Here standing before you is a hurt soul
Understanding that no life is easy
Not breezy
Without wind
So lifeless
Only word to define my journey is sacrifices
More often than not, my goal is to adopt
Babies, puppies, lost souls of the same sort
To offer some type of support.
They say that two heads are better than one
But I've seen your 3-headed reflection in the mirror
Shall I go get my gun?
Bipolar ways
Good and Bad days
Been 2 weeks since I've really talked to you
Only hearing your voice will bring back deja vu
Fuck that!
Who wants to remember those months, days, hours, minutes, seconds
Milli-measurements of time
When you were who you wasn't.
When you said you did, but you really doesn't.
Caught up,
Caught in between.
Prescriptions of Promethazine
Couldn't bring me to the lowest depths of this reality
Constantly you lied to me.
When you were who you wasn't.
When you said you did, but you really doesn't.
Or didn't.
Or couldn't.
Or wouldn't.
Tell me the truth
About what you really wanted in life
You never know,
I could have helped you find it
Instead you and I became blinded
All of the lights couldn’t have adjusted our pupils
Exposed our eyes to the facts that had the potential to cripple
Lamer than the limbs
Limper than impotent dicks
Weightless
Stagnant
That’s all that’s between us now.
I see now that all good things must come to an end
Maybe it’s better if they cease before they have the opportunity to begin.

: There's so much more I want to say....but I think I want to stop this one right where it is and continue onto a new piece. I will never considered myself a poet....I just see words. Hardly do I ever erase something I've typed (I do all of my writings in my Blackberry). Whatever I think and see or feel, that's what I write. I appreciate this ability in my life because it's so meaningful and real and honest and firm. I couldn't imagine scratching something out or going back and changes. I feel, I see, I think, I write. It's done.

But starting this poem did give me an idea to start a series called: Behold. All of the works will start with that and manifest into whatever my mind and heart desires. I'm excited. Still have to finish Bungalow Blues.

Brooklyn Moon was inspired by a poet that I saw at an Open Mic in Brooklyn on Monday night. She was powerful, but vulnerable, but soooo damn powerful. Everything I wish I could be. I don't even know her name. Her words made me cry a little bit. She was just...powerful. Every word she spoke, I saw it leaving her mouth. Every word became visible. If I was close enough, I would have tried to grab each word and put it in my pocket for later use. :

N*

Back like cooked crack

I was in NY and had an amazing time. I wrote some things, experienced a lot, laughed a ton, and my back and thighs are now strong like bull from walking and lifting things.

I will tell you more about my journey later.

Working on a new project now. Hopeful that I can complete it within the next two days.

Mighty Morphin Super Nia....ACTIVATE!!!!!

Oh...and I started writing this piece. It's growing out of control. I dreamt (?) about it last night. It's inspired by someone kinda but too powerful to be confined to the thoughts I have of only one person. Does that make sense?

N*